A realization has hit me, especially recently. A belief that I hold true but know with my all. We have come to hand our own souls and livelihood to others. There are concepts that have disappeared from our societal belief system: miracles, the healing power of love. These things are all a pipe dream if they’re not internalized: lived.
Personal example: when I was in my attempted suicide (resulting in extended coma);I was unknowingly showered with love, prayer, and hope. I feel it is necessary to tell of things during that time. Things of which I was not fully cognizant. Although I was seemingly not in this world: people were by my side. Literally. The stuffed animals and cards and prayer and visits and words spoken to me helped perform a modern miracle.
And it wasn’t just my family. People Id never met loved and supported through that time. The head of my former rehab facility had recently bought a new house for he and his new wife. They hadn’t even moved in. He insisted my family stay there: so some minute burden was relieved from an atrocious situation. I had stabbed him and the world in the back. They, because of love, were able to overlook this. They were able to see I was sick. That I didn’t know what I was doing.
I have absolutely no clue because I didn’t die. I had taken 3 months of sleeping pills, 3 months of lithium. 3 months of Prozac, various street drugs, a liter of vodka, tried to drown myself, and cut myself. Drown myself : at age 23,! I believed my worth to be that of am emaciated and mutilated corpse beneath 2 inches of stagnant water. Those are the details. The gravity of which few know.
I believe love performed a miracle. I didn’t die. I woke up. On Thanksgiving Day. As everyone prayed for a miracle. I believe that subconsciously I knew they were there. That somehow, I knew everyone was there: loving me. Whispering in my ear. Instilling me with hope. Loving me. Believing that an unheard-of miracle would occur . And it did.
This is a lesson in love and miracles I live. I do not just say, think, and do the things I do without reason. I have experienced, first-hand: the power of love.
Therefore I believe in people. Why I don’t give up on them. Why I give my all to people. Because the world did that for me. Love performed a miracle. A complete miracle.
I don’t think that people are aware of what taking a moment to pray can do. Taking 5 minutes to talk to a friend: in a coma. Sitting next to someone. Holding their hand. Somehow, I knew. I knew.
Don’t ever give up on people. They can completely surprise you. Sometimes you need to separate from them, on the surface: for yourself. But never give up on them, in your heart. Love with your all. It can result in an absolute miracle.
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