I have internalized the importance of this phrase taught to me by someone special: “ We walk shoulder to shoulder”. Handed down to her by another woman who I love. Value. This phrase and concept have allowed me to begin to feel worthy. It is the cornerstone of my mortal existence.
This woman whose life I watched bloom like a weed soaked in Miracle-Grow. And I thought:
THAT is a person who I want to guide me. Strong. But vulnerable. Accepting. While not tolerating bullshit. I had and still have plenty. And trust that she is not afraid to tell me when I am full of it. That is exactly what I need. Especially then. And I love her for that!
And the other women who lead me to this:
The spunky blonde woman who trusted me enough to introduce me to her granddaughter and wasn’t aware that when my life came rushing back: she was the first person I told. In 2013. Lying in an immobile heap in a bed soaked from my own sweat. In my parents’ house. In their guest room: not knowing why it had happened. How my life had gotten there. Again. But feeling that I could trust her. Because I knew in my heart I could.
The spitfire with the jet-black hair. Who unbeknownst to her: I found insanely cool. Not for the awesome hair. For being the embodiment of strength and hope. For taking time out of her life to sit with me over coffee. Listen. She didn’t know what it did for my life: sitting on the couch of her moving company. Knowing what she been through to get there. Giving me hope that with hard work, I could do something like that.
The spritely woman from Australia. Who used her gift of creativity with me to convert my problems into beads on a string. Who sat with me over tea on her screen porch.
My counselor. Who I love. Who is one of my best friends, Who has walked with me for almost 2/3 of my life. Who drove 45 minutes at 1 am to be with my family the night my father passed away. And in that moment: she was not a counselor.
She was a loving human being. Who we needed to be with us.
Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. – Albert Camus