Arlyn Smith

Never lose hope ! ❤️ for LIFE!

A Typical Situation in my Younger Life

As insane as the following story sounds: I promise it is absolutely true! I think no one would find the hilarity of things like this being a normal occurrence in my life. This is not an imagined story caused by a psychotic episode. Ask people: often truth is stranger than fiction.

At age 19, I was obviously having some “issues”.  I found myself in inner city Baltimore one random weekend, The purpose of my trip was to see a metal band named Foetus play at a seedy club named the Otto-Bar.

I definitely made an impression on the couple who I stayed with that weekend. I got so insanely drunk on Vodka snuck from the bottle in their freezer ( I was a vodka magnet), that I sobbed uncontrollably at at a scene on some random Twin Peaks movie. Somehow: I woke up alone and naked on the living room couch. The woman I was staying with thought it best to cover my nude body with a bedspread. I was n display for anyone who walked to the kitchen for breakfast. Their first sight would be of an emaciated women, in a drunken coma; naked and reeking of urine on a dingy couch.

The following night found me at a no name bar. As I tended to do: my attempt to gain any semblance of “cool” resulted in one of  my pool balls flying off the table into a male patrons groin. Not surprisingly he dropped the entire pitcher of beer he was carrying.. I was somehow pummeled with praise about my black, leather pants by a random girl wearing a black latex outfit. She invited me and some friends to travel in a caravan to her home for an after party.

Her ’home” was a loft above a warehouse used for raves in the 1990’s. I found myself amongst cheap beer, in a poorly lit bedroom. She then twirled around the the dimly lit room, wearing latex. After somehow finding my way to the space used for the raves: I was met with copious amounts of cocaine on a mirror in a random maintenance closet. One of my fellow partiers was the saxophonist from a famous90s ska band.

We then bought tiny plastic frogs for a quarter out of a gumball machine. For years, I had a tiny rubber frog with a shield donning a silver sword by my lamp at my crappy apartment watching me write philosophy essays in college.

I could go on forever about the regularity of situations like this happening, but that it neither here, nor there.

Proof of Foetus and the Otto- Bar: Foetus (band) – Wikipedia Ottobar | Live Music, Concerts, and Events | Baltimore, MD (

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About Me

An English diarist and naval administrator. I served as administrator of the Royal Navy and Member of Parliament. I had no maritime experience, but I rose to be the Chief Secretary to the Admiralty under both King Charles II and King James II through patronage, diligence, and my talent for administration.