There is something about what I believe that in misconstrued by the masses: that I hate medicine and the government . How could I hate things that have restored my health? I have some amazing doctors at the moment. Who care. And to say otherwise would be telling a blatant lie. My problem stems from my past. The doctor who treated my alcoholism with Xanax without me knowing why. I still don’t. For my parents being told I needed to be exorcised. For my doctor attempting to convince my parents that someone I knew , as an active alcoholic that at age 15 smoking cigarettes would help my eating disorder.
I think I was clearly using my learned manipulation to garner support for another addiction.
.For being told I had a cheese brain. For being put on a pharmaceutical that had dramatic neurological side effects when I had 1/4 a cerebral and was recovering from a stroke. For being told I was hopeless. Being told I was I was a statistic. For being told I would absolutely never function again. Mentally or physically. For being convinced was lesser than. For doctors believing the could 100% guarantee my fate. For giving up on me. For not giving me a chance. For not trying to help me when I needed them. For telling me I was “not compliant” for wanting to try vitamins and exercise, as well.I don’t dislike medicine. I dislike being plied with medicine that they know cause God-awful side effects. I don’t like being made to feel invalid. I don’t like any human who believes themselves God and can define someone else. This is not about doctors or medicine. It’s about human beings with God complexes.
Before, I was a combative and seething adolescent: completely unwilling to receive help for my problems. The fact that professionals distanced themselves from me not surprising in the least. At some point, however, I wanted hope. Needed it. Instead, I was told there was none.
I have wonderful doctors and a counselor and others with medical credentials who listen. Care. I suppose one lesson I’ve learned is that no human being can “fix” me. That is me ALLOWING them superiority.
For some reason society doesn’t allow medical professionals the allowance of mistakes. They are allowed. But the mistakes I’ve experienced were not simple medical mistakes.Not physically.
I felt like a rotten piece of food in a garbage disposal. Waiting in limbo, rotting, only to been ground up and flushed away.
I don’t pigeonhole all doctors. I want to make it clear that I have some awesome people in the medical community helping me. I have learned about and experienced personally, how there often medical benefits in obtaining healthy balance, mentally and physically,l, found within the body and mind. Society has come to believe in the ability of medicine to “fix” us. This is merely attempting to place and bandaid on a bullet wound.. It relieves us any responsibility for own healthcare.
I have learned and have personal experience of what can happen within the mind with seriously difficult work, mentally and physically. And not giving up.
I’m NOT a doctor and don’t know much about medical intricacies. I ask questions. I Try to understand. I am stubborn as hell. Please don’t give up on me. Or anyone. For not knowing. No one knows something before they are taught.