Often, the desire to control external circumstances (and people) can cause literally insanity or actual death. This insatiable thirst in my life found me clinically insane and on the precipice of death at my own hand. Obviously, this task did not come to fruition: I would not be alive to write this. We often glamourize those who force others to do their bidding through their desire to will things their way. For some unknown reason, these human beings are viewed as powerful forces that are somehow beyond other people. I would strongly argue the contrary. Personally: I do not subscribe to the theory that one person is greater than the next. That a CEO on Wall Street is somehow inherently “better” than the grocery bagger at Wal-Mart. Perhaps they’ve worked more diligently, but not necessarily. This is somehow a convoluted theory in society to think that a person who controls employees somehow has more worth in this world than a grocery-bagger who may also be a loving son.
I will use the following example:
A mother is undergoing chemotherapy for end stage cancer. In her eyes, who holds more value? The wealthy Wall Street CEO or her son: who comes home from his shift bagging groceries only to help her take her medications and help her drift off to sleep. I believe the answer is obvious. For some reason, control and dominance are believed “powerful” traits while kindness is often viewed as “weak”. My experience is this concept is completely skewed. I’m not quite sure why this a traditional belief. It is well known that my beliefs are not exactly mainstream. I do know that they were in the past. My belief was that that control would make me “better”: that somehow, becoming the elusive Wizard of Oz would make me “good” ( the person controlling the world from behind the curtain). I chased this value all the way into a coma in a random hospital ICU.
I did not yet have this insight: that was what control had brought. I had fulfilled ultimate control. I had reached full potential. I do not think people are aware of this fact: that the desire to control can lead to the attempt to control one’s own mortal existence…